Captains Log. Save for the fact that I'm not a captain, or The Captain, I'm just the Man at Arms

Went to a dance tonight. And frankly I was kinda nervous, last I went to was a luau right after my mission, and it was awesome. I was on top of my game, dancin a bunch, askin a gal every slow dance if she'd like to, standard protocol, yknow? Wasn't in the mood frankly. Got too tired of it after a while, yknow, 10 PM hit and felt like, forget it. Am I jaded to the whole scene? Not that I care, I don't need any more distractions, and frankly I couldn't pay the gas to see anyone anyway. But made me ponder a bit.

To those that still read this, I will be trying to post regularly again. I was inspired to get back to this, for the sake of writing randomly again, thanks to a gal from Chicago. So there's a point to this, I'll share some points of wisdom I've written on the last page of my five subject notebook that seem, well, noteworthy.

We would do well to learn from others and apply their truths to our own.

Those quizzes that supposedly test our attention to detail and/or intelligence really tick me off for two reasons:
1.) We are so overwhelmed by marketing and information in our society, it's near impossible to retain it all, it's no wonder so many people are autistic.
2.) I never do well on those stupid things anyway, indicative of my laziness and stupidity apparently. Frankly, it's my opinion that taking the test in the first place is a better indicator of those two traits.

Are we the diseased ones and the autism is normal?

Art is subjective and undefined. ALL art.

Culture, context, and environment literally has an effect on the shape of the folks that live there.

Define politically correct: Politically comfortable.

Subliminal Message

It's confirmed that along with all the subliminal messaging of the media, an underground conspiracy has also been underway. What's popularly being called 'freemanic paracusia,' a psychological disorder where everything you read is voiced by Morgan Freeman, has the masterminds of marketing hard at work to control our thoughts. Candidates that didn't make the cut were Vern Troyer, John Heder and Barbara Walters, but interestingly enough not Mr. T or William Shatner. When media expert Tom Green was asked in an interview why this was,
"Well Freeman is God anyway, so everyone kinda figured that'd work."

source xkcd.com

The Seven Degrees of Paul Bettany

One of my favorite movies of all time has to be Ironman with Robert Downey Jr. and a bunch of other actors and actresses OH Gwenyth Paltrow how could I forget. As I was watching the second movie with my siblings, they made the connection that the voice for the computer VI was none other than Paul Bettany, the guy that was Jeffrey Chaucer in Knights Tale (another favorite) or the albino priest in Da Vinci Code (oddly enough he's always naked at some point or another, has anyone else noticed? Maybe he likes being naked in movies.) Long story short, I love that actor. And he's in nearly everything either as a voice over or as an actor, like Kevin Bacon, kinda like that other british actor (you know who I'm talking about)

So now I view Jarvis the computer as a floating blue naked Paul Bettany (the source of more than a few nightmares) and the brain synapses started firing. Paul Bettany was secretly the actor for the naked blue glowy guy for Watchmen.

Unrelated he also bears a striking semblance to the last replicant in Bladerunner. Or rather the replicant bears a resemblance to a Harrison Ford/David Bowie crossbreed I saw on Skywalker Ranch (because that's what they do there, breed obscure celebrities for their movies, why else would they call it a ranch. (I've never actually been to Skywalker Ranch, I just saw a documentary on it whilst watching Robot Chicken. The cross breeds were running freely in the pastures))

I began to question the origins of David Bowie because as I think it and by process of elimination, he's probably Paul Bettany too. So not only was Paul Bettany in everything, but he was in EVERYTHING. I realized after a nightmare about JFK last night, bolt upright in a cold sweat, Paul Bettany IS DAVID BOWIE.

So my question to you all is: Does that mean David Bowie likes to be naked too? And if so

GOD HELP US ALL

(doesn't he just look like a John F Kennedy waiting to jump out of your closet with a tire iron and destroy your spleen? HE DOES TO ME)

Musings of the Mononucleoid

I've decided it's time to count my cards and throw in the towel. I am one of them. The asthmatics, the albinos, the bubble boys. SO I've devised some new hobbies. Longboarding is freakin awesome, but I hurt each time I try. Swimming is what got me the hydrocodon in the first place and hiking looks like it'll do the same.

Model building. I'm building an airplane. Probably working on learning the guitar, which is a sexy hobby. Probably continue writing scenarios for Gammaworld, maybe work on models for those as well, and holy crap I need a life.

I just read in a book by John Hodgman (READ IT IT'S AMAZING) and he says that it is confirmed that Charlie Sheen did the voices for all the dinosaurs for the Jurassic Park movies. Hence why I'm morbidly afraid of John F. Kennedy, NO DOUBT A SKILL HIS FATHER TAUGHT HIM.

GET ME A HAMMA

That's what I would say if someone offered me a job as a dental hygienist. Just saying. Yep folks, still unemployed. Getting desperate. I just might dress as a taco and dance outside the Mexican restaurant.

No shirt no shoes no service is such a friggin lie. If a woman walks in a convenience store topless and no shoes, SHE IS GETTIN WHATEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS.

"Here are the keys. Will you marry me?" Because you know those fools behind the counter aren't getting any.

Sat in a car for hours today. It sucked. Not because I was in a sweaty seat for hours, but because of the reason for the trip. I miss that dog, I just couldn't say anything around my girlfriend. She's probably going to read this at some point, but by then, her pain might have been lessened and my promise would be fulfilled. I wasn't negative at all today for her, and it was semi refreshing, but I felt like crying with her. I feel awful, because I know my guilt. I hope she knows it too.

Bit of a change of pace, eh? Changing it up again, yknow, I have grown to hate car trips. Because I feel like I ain't had a rash that bad since I was two in diapers. Sweating in the same seat for hours!! It was gross AND painful. Got to thinking about that. No wonder toddlers hate those things, watertight whitey tighteys! Freak, I'd run around the place starkers too if I knew what was coming to me!
"Bobby, here's how life goes, you're going to sit in a plastic bag and when someone notices you've been sitting in your own excrement for an hour or two, then someone will switch it out."

Those hippies might have something about those cloth diapers...

What is thy bidding my master

I'm about to kneel and owe my allegiance to this burger joint wearing a hooded cloak. Had one of the best burgers ever. The Boston. Pastrami, swiss, carmelized onions and mushrooms in a arterial sclerosis bliss. It was like entering a pastrami lined heaven of no vegetable goodness.

Titleless, why do I need a title?

Working at the pizza parlor, this lady walks out with her kids. Names have been changed to protect the fact that I can't remember them.
"Bobby, that's why you go to college" lady pointing right at me.
I wanted to throw my towel at her.
"LISTEN LADY! I am GOING to college and you know where that's going to get me? THE SAME PLACE!"

Also, i was thinking, isn't Clue by Parker Brothers up for a revamp. I had an idea. I call it
APOCALYPSE CLUE
see colonel mustard is this Terry Hogan beast of a dude with a giant mustache, rippling muscles and a gatling gun, Ms Scarlet will be this red ninja, Mr Green will be this lizard zombie man thing, Mrs white will be a white cloaked witch with a flail and a human skull, prof. plum in a lab coat splotched with purple blood stains and his purple hair slicked back straight up in the air, and mrs peacock will be this woman bird, TALONS LOTS OF TALONS.

Haunted house, wild cards thrown in at each turn that are represented by ghosts or zombies or mutants or ghost zombie mutants. IT WOULD BE GREAT!!

I'm gonna write an email to PB right now :)